Throughout my constellation study group ‘Goddesses and Monsters: Glamour and the Grotesque’ I enjoyed the overall concept and the discussions that came from them and I am glad I picked and got chosen for the two. Every lecture was engrossing and insightful. Luckily I had already had an interacted in the topics that were brought up.

We investigated cultural identity and embodiment within visual culture along with gender ideologies and the stereotypical notions of beauty that come along with the aesthetics of glamour and the characteristics of the monstrous identity of the grotesque body.

Gender is a concept that I’ve used within my practice before and it always seems to be an underlying idea within my work but with the stress and pressure of the dissertation proposal I haven’t been able to use my new knowledge and idea within my work and that the work I have made isn’t to my highest standard. For my dissertation proposal, I’ve tried to take what I learned and found interesting from this year’s constellation group and last year’s constellation ‘Smells like teen spirit: subcultures and street style.’ I’m considering the relationship between youth identity, visual style, and colour. Along with how they relate to sexuality and gender. And I’m wanting to bring in my ideas and what I’m learning a lot the way with my research into my practice next year.

It has me much longer to find a topic to read and write about, everyone else had seemed to have already written the whole thing before I even had a concept.

It took me awhile to come up a topic I felt comfortable to write about, I went through a few questions but none of them what out, I edited the question a couple of times then changed the question altogether and now I’m researching and reading about a completely different topic and concept. But with saying this it’s something I had to go through to find the right question but also to help me on my actual dissertation. I’m trying to think of everything is this process as a positive learning curve, the mistakes I’ve made will hopefully assist me in writing a dissertation to a high enough standard.

Overall I struggled with the overall concept of the literature review and how it was actually meant to be written and the anxiety of starting it held me back.

I’ve been rather unwell throughout this academic year, as it’s something I cannot control it did hinder my productivity. The stress of deadlines especially with the dissertation proposal triggered illnesses that lead me to have time off and fall behind on all my university work. When writing the dissertation proposal, I felt like everything was against me and was left with the feeling of failure. I still don’t feel like I’ve achieved the feeling of I knowing I’ve tried my best but I am okay with that. I’m content what I’ve written even though it may not be my best what or even get a great mark. If I pass with all the stress and illness this dissertation proposal has caused, I will still happy with what I’ve learned through this whole process.

One thing constellation has aided me with is artist research. Last year I got penalized in the formative assessment as I would simply search for artists online by googling key words from my practice and only find people that were working with a similar topic to mine. From my end of year feedback and with the help from what I’ve learned from constellation I would like to think that my artist research has improved and that it shows within my work.

In regards to the future of my practice, I’m hoping to use everything that I’ve learned, not just from constellation but from everything from the last two year of Fine Art at Cardiff school of art and design. Hopefully, all the mistakes I’ve made can help me make my final year count and I hope to come out with a good degree and I haven’t just wasted three years of mine and everyone else’s life.



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